Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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