I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
