i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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