All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
