I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
