just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
