Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
