Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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