I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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