I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
