i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
