to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
