my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
