I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
