I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
