We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
