We named our party play list daddy issues
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
