also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
