I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
