But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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