guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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