People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
