you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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