I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
