4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
