You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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