is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
