Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
