that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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