I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
