The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
