ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
