i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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