Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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