Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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