Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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