I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
