Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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