Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
