I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
