there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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