I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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