You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
