Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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