yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my poor anus
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
