I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
