if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
