Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
