wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
