we have pet lesbian snakes
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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