Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
