This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Still dying that you shit outside
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
