but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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